May152012

Sophomore year to my College Career is complete. Still holding on to my ex girlfriend. I just know she is the one. I sent her and email. Basically a conclusion. I gave it my all and poured my heart out in the message. It basically said I wanted to be with her again. That things we do and the things we need, one of us can fill that spot. That her weakness is my strengths and her strengths are my weaknesses. Once you realize that in a relationship, I feel that it makes a fit. Ive learned that it’s not what you want in the relationship, but that it’s what you need. And sometimes what someone “needs” isnt always obvious unless someone else spots it, (me). its that ying and yang in the relationship, finding the balance, and the perfect time to build onto the foundation we’ve built. I told her to consider us. I told her that we don’t have to start where we left off but where this foundation is at. We are great friend, best friends perhaps. I told her I don’t want to lose her again and lose what we have built and I want to build onto this foundation and let it grow and mature itself. I wasn’t looking to rush things like we did, but yet, start where we are at.

She told me that she isn’t going anywhere. She said she had realized that there are feelings she had. I didn’t force feelings at her but just kept being me. She said there won’t be a point in time where we won’t have that same realization. I took it as a good thing. Then she isn’t ready. ready to start again, but she says she things we need to see other people before we start again. To me that doesn’t make sense.. I don’t want to be the safety net. I don’t understand how she isn’t ready currently but feels that we need to see other people before seeing each other again. How can she guarantee that our realization of having feelings for each other won’t change? How can she guarantee that she will be here and won’t leave, and that I wont lose her leaving me empty hearted? Those are the questions I need to raise. I know deep down she’s the one. 

April42012
“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley”
December192011
“It’s been quite awhile.. I must say I miss our friendship. I miss you, but what I really miss the most is not you or us, but how it all was.”
December142011

A heart fell in the snow.

rightwritecj:

I had another dream to remember,
but I kept it to myself today.
You were busy with looking the other way.
When I walked up on your right
you left.
I had another story to tell you,
but I kept it to myself today.
We were busy laughing about this life.
When you opened your mouth
I listened.
I had somewhere to go today,
but I stayed right where I was.
You were waiting for someone new.
When I held out my heart
you dropped it.

9AM

merry christmas.. 
December112011
“You be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground, i’ll be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds, is it weird I narrate my life like a book? in my head hoping eventually I will get to my happy ending? And learn the moral of the story?” - Anonymous”
November232011
“Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk besides me.”
November222011

The End

11/22/2010:

Laying in my bed, next to me.. No words has spoken, fan blowing, roughly around 3 am…Heart pounding, body sweating, waiting for the answer, hoping it was yes. Indeed it was. Universe dropped from my shoulders, it was a moment of relief and craziness. An addition walked into my life unintentionally and ambushed me. It was a fortunate ambush. It was yes, unexpected, I took it for what it was. I love it. I’m the one that took it for it. Not just a game. Everybody then knew, I was happy. No cover of a book attracted me until I knew what was inside which brought me in. I did try to stay away from the “books”. I am not going to say it was chance. I was fortunate enough to be part of the “book” which I am still writing.. The page has turned,and many events had happened. Going through thoughts, playing chess, making a move while thinking about the next, trying to make it a better ending, even a twist. Yet, not another climax or near resolution. It has been 1 year and I wanted to say something special today to the World and to the “book”.. I would have been the best thing ever.. and since october of this year till now, I’ve been getting writers cramp. Hopefully I will heal and begin again, and trying to write again, I just need someones help. Today would have been the day of my Anniversary. Fortunate enough, it was unlikely to happen.  I miss you. 11/22/2011 

October262011

I don’t know why this song came to mind, but there it is. A man with a Broken Heart.
October212011

My girlfriend Broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago. I still care and have feelings for her. Its tough to let go. I came into my freshmen year knowing that I am not going to look for a girlfriend. Then all of the sudden she pops into my life. We went out for almost a year, Nov 22nd of this year would be our anniversary. She means a lot to me and I want things to get better for the both of us and maybe get back together. I want that, and I hope she does too. I suppose this is a test to see if love comes back.

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